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But for South African native Mary, simple dating carried potentially disastrous consequences. Mary was HIV-positive and was plagued with issues of revealing her HIV infection to a prospective partner — planning for a long-term relationship when she does not know what the next day holds, and keeping a partner safe from her virus. Mary immediately signed up, and after a few months, had gotten to know two men who were in the “same situation” as her, one from the United Kingdom and the other from South Africa.
Mary’s story is just one of many that Ben Sassman, founder of The Positive Connection, hears everyday. Sassman is one of the few who dares to concern himself with the “living” part of living with HIV, and saw the need for an online dating opportunity for HIV-positive patients. In an effort to help an old friend who was in the same predicament as Mary, Sassman self-funded his own online dating service.
Since its start in , Sassman’s friend, Mary and thousands of other HIV-infected people were able to find love through his website. But instead of focusing on the physical effects of his illness, Sassman’s friend began to describe the difficulties of dating women as an HIV patient. He often felt morally obligated to immediately inform each potential date that he was infected with HIV — almost guaranteeing a rejection for a second date.
In trying to remedy his friend’s dating dilemma, Sassman suggested that his friend find someone through an online dating service. Mary says the purpose of her visit to Sassman’s site was “to get somebody who was in the same situation as me. According to Sassman, about 66 percent of Positive Connection singles are from South Africa but the site is quickly growing to an international level.
About members are from the United States. Sassman acknowledges he “had no idea” the site would be such a success.
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Dec 1, Cape Town – “Curvy, HIV-positive female, 33, seeks muscular male with good sense of humour for friendship and maybe more. The Positive connection is an online dating service like any other, with one exception: all its members are infected with HIV. Started by a South African and one of the first of its kind worldwide, the website is a lifeline for men or women who are looking for love but wish to circumvent the awkward task of explaining they suffer from a fatal disease that could be passed on when they have sex.
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Mabeo is a member of Positive Connection, the only Internet dating forum geared to people with HIV in South Africa, the country with more infections – over 5 million and counting – than any other. I still haven’t found anyone I’ve gotten romantically involved with, but I’m carefully going through the list. AIDS is no longer an automatic killer here.
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This paper examines the approaches heterosexual men and women in South Africa use to engage their partners in discussions of HIV and risk factors in their relationships. These strategies entail balancing the risks of infection while managing the challenges of maintaining a relationship. In a context in which there is a great deal of insecurity in relationships it is especially challenging to discuss HIV risks with partners.
Our findings reveal that concerns about children or the desire to have children provided a legitimate basis for discussing HIV risk with partners. The focus of these discussions is on the future for their children. Research in South Africa should attend to men’s and women’s desires to have and to raise children.
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